I have arrived!

I finally made it to the Four Floors of Whores. 

Both my kids are in school so that meant I could take a morning out for myself and get a mani/pedi. The place to do it is Orchard Towers, affectionately known as the Four Floors of Whores. Why you ask? Because there are literally four floors of whores working there - or so rumor has it. I didn't go to any of the bars there though I'll admit, I did look around to see if I saw anybody going to "work," but it was only 9AM so I didn't really see anybody who looked - er - busy. Oh - it's not just women who work there. Nope. This is ladyboy country! Since I didn't see anything interesting, I suppose it's all the better that I didn't bring my camera. I'm pretty sick of lugging it around.

All the ladies getting their nails done were expats. To be the place to go, Bellissima wasn't very swank. I sat in one of the leather-ish, Lay-z boy type chairs. The nail technician sat on the floor and I soaked my feet in one of those vibrating tubs you can buy at WalMart. There was absolutely nothing fancy about it, but it wasn't too pricey and she did a good job. Of course, it was so dark in there that the pink I thought I picked is actually a DARK red. Oh well. It's Fall.

I wear sandals every single day and, if I lived here full time, I'd wear them all year around - though I hear there is a boot season here? Are you kidding me? BOOTS? It's nine million freakin' degrees twelve months a year! Of course, none of the stores here has my size here. I'm a - how I hate to admit this - a 12. That's a European 43! My feet used to be 11s, but after I had my babies, they grew. Wearing an 11 was bad enough. When the pimpled-face, college-age, shoes salesman measured my foot and pronounced they were now 12s, I burst into tears. Poor guy didn't know what to say!

Here? The biggest size I can possibly buy is a 40. I was feeling pretty blue about the whole Bigfoot thing until I heard that endless.com will deliver here - for FREE - if you spend more than $100 (or maybe it's $150?). I told the Aussie Heather about it and she got some shoes and they arrived in FOUR DAYS! Not only does it make sense for me to get shoes, but I can also get shoes for the kids. Children's shoes here got for - are you sitting down? - $125 or so a pop! 

Despite their giant size, my feet are the one thing I still like to dress up. They're long and skinny. The rest of me? Not so much.

If you're like me, you eat everything in sight on vacation and worry about losing the weight when you get home. Maybe you gain five pounds in a week. So what? It's just five pounds, right? Uh well, I've been "vacationing" for a couple of months now. Not good. Nope - not good at all. Look, I'm 5'10" and still a size 8 so it's not like I'm a candidate for one of these extreme makeover shows, but my 8s are getting a little too tight for comfort. Okay - they're a lot too tight.

For a while, I was hoping that Cheryl was shrinking my clothes. It could happen. The sad truth is, she's better with laundry than I am. Bummer. I've been eating everything that looks even slightly interesting. What if we don't come back to live here? I'd better try it now, right?

Now and then, I catch a glimpse of myself in a window or see a photo and think, 'God woman, get a grip!" Couple that with my BC haircut and I'm in trouble. What's that? Well, my friend Nickie calls bad haircuts, birth control haircuts. She's pretty darn funny that one.

Tom saw some diet food in the mall and picked a couple of boxes of the stuff. Since he's in Jakarta tonight (Jealous? Who me?) I figured I'd give one a try. 

When I was a correspondent at CBS, they had me go out and sample Meals-Ready-to-Eat, MREs - the meals our fighting men and women devour. They come in these foil packs and are PACKED with calories. They're okay. I should know. I think I ate 12 of them in one day. I can't remember the exact count any more. I've tried to block it out of my mind. I get sick just thinking about it.

Tonight's meal was called Curry Chicken Hor Fun and it came in the same kind of foil packet.

The box says it has 98% fewer calories than the real stuff. What? Then I realized why. The real stuff has - are you sitting down - 16,100 calories. SIXTEEN THOUSAND! The diet box has 2400 calories (which isn't exactly 98% fewer, is it?) Okay - I'm wrong. Turns out 1 kcal is the same as 1 calorie when you use it on food labels. That still feels wrong. Anyway, this diet food supposedly has 226 calories. The dish has noodles and a curried chicken sauce. 

So can you see why I'm confused? I mean, I can't even read the damn label when it's written out. How am I supposed to figure out what I'm eating on a daily basis? I do know the daily ice cream had to stop a while back. The first month I was just so darn hot that I let myself eat ice cream figuring pushing the double stroller was burning things off. Ha.

I think the real reason it has 98% fewer calories is because nobody can choke the stuff down. Not only is it bad, but it's REALLY spicy .... and I like spicy!

Oh well - enough about my lack of willpower. Let's just say I'm looking forward to my Lean Cuisines when I get home!

Of course, I had to sport my "new" figure in front of my friend Joy and her son Andrew today. We hosted the playgroup this afternoon and since we don't have a lot of toys with us, I suggested we all swim. Joy and Andrew were the only ones to make it. That seems pretty common. This Wednesday group has only had one meeting with more than me and one other mom since I came. In a way that's nice because you get to chat with other women one-on-one.

Me being me, I put out a kiddie snack spread anyway. I even made little mice out of strawberries. Cheryl thought I was off my rocker. Her kids eat anything they are offered. Sadly, I get the feeling they aren't offered food nearly often enough. Anyway, after two hours of swimming plus a morning of school, both kids were FAMISHED - and exhausted. They were both in bed by 6:20, 40 minutes early!

As for school, both kids are adjusting really well. Hudson seems to be getting the hang of it now though he still cries when I drop him off and is super excited to see me at the end of the day clinging to me like a bad dryer sheet. Maisie cries when we leave because she doesn't want to leave her three Asian friends. She can't tell me their names (maybe she can't pronounce their names?), but she doesn't want to leave them. 

Hudson's teachers sent pictures yet again! Lucky me!