The Deciding Factor? Maybe

When you first meet Maisie, you'd think she is just like any other four-year-old. She's very social and generous - smart and beautiful (if I say so myself!) She was the happiest baby girl on the planet with a smile that came all the way from her toes. She still has days when she is the most fun child I've ever met. When she smiles or laughs, so laughs the world. She's bright and makes friends incredibly easily. 

So sometimes, I lull myself into thinking that she's okay now, that her sensory integration disorder diagnosis is a big mistake, that we're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Then there are days like today.

On the advice of a doctor I met here, I had Maisie evaluated at the Jurong Medical Center, an absolutely lovely facility. The hospital has a special program for childhood behavior and development. All told, we were there almost two hours and what an eye opening two hours they were!

The evaluator was a pediatrician who specializes in childhood development. Back home, dozens of therapists have evaluated Maisie and her doctor has thrown in her own two cents, but never have we seen a medical doctor who specializes in her disorder or other learning/behavior issues.

This doctor looked at Maisie's evaluations from the U.S., read over the zillion forms I'd completed and then did her own quick evaluation of Maisie. Wouldn't you know that Maisie was at her absolute worst today? Bad days now rarely look like tantrum-fests of the past. Now, her "off" days are days when she's manic, inattentive and a general wiggle worm. I actually prefer the tantrums.

In a way, her behavior today was perfect for the evaluation. The doctor got to see her at her worst and now she knows what help she really needs. She wouldn't answer the doctor, kept slipping off her chair and writhing around on the floor and even blew raspberries at the staff. She's been doing that a lot lately.

As I suspected, she's very close to testing out of speech therapy and probably wouldn't even qualify for speech help here (tho as she ages, she may have trouble with reading and writing because of her disorder). Her motor skills are all on track - except she still has trouble with cross-lateral coordination which is a very specific problem that can create issues with writing. Thank God she's not learning Chinese characters!

The real challenge for Maisie is self-regulation. She simply cannot sit still. She can't follow directions. She can't control herself when she's feeling out of sorts. The therapy she needs is very specific - and not something the schools here can really handle. In short, Maisie is now in one of the very best school districts for therapy in the States. That's why we moved there. She will never get the kind of services here that she does there. 

To accommodate Maisie, she would need to be in an international private school and receive specialized private therapy. I already had an appointment next week to see the therapy facility before the doctor even mentioned it. Yea me! The good news is that she won't need therapy forever. Everybody seems to agree on that.

Amazingly, the school she's starting Monday is exactly the right school for her at this age. WeeCare has a lot of experience with special needs kids this age. I'm thrilled to hear I actually found the right spot for her! Next Fall, she does not need to be in a special needs school, but rather a regular, mainstream school with special needs knowledge. Basically? She needs to be in the Singapore American School. it's that simple - or should be except entry into SAS is complicated and there's a three year wait. 

The doctor gave me all these tips about how and when to fill out the application. She told me what documents I need from the U.S. including a new evaluation from her therapists back home, letters from her teachers and a letter from the doctor herself. She's trying to get me an appointment with a specialist who works directly with the schools to help her get in earlier than later.

As everybody tells me, this is not my fault. This is not her fault. It's not Tom's fault. It's not about what I ate when I was pregnant or how old we were when she was born or what we feed her now. Simply, she is who she is. Be mad at the disorder, not the action. I've heard it all before. What I hadn't heard is that it's almost harder to parent a kid like her than parenting a child with severe disabilities. Because she's pretty and seems normal, nobody immediately sees Maisie's disorder. When she acts up, people assume I'm not doing a good job parenting. Judgment is harsh. Hearing that was freeing somehow.

The doctor wants me and Tom both to read a book - a book that I downloaded onto my iPad months ago - a book my cousin read to help her daughter YEARS ago. It's called, "Raising Your Spirited Child." I guess I need to finally read the darn thing.

The real surprise of the day? The doctor thinks I need to take an Australian-based class called Sign Posts, a class for parenting children with behavior problems. Most parents there have kids have severe disorders like autism. I'd never see myself fitting into a class like that, but the doctor thinks Maisie's issues are severe enough that I need support. She thought I'd learned a lot and praised the way I handle her, but said over and over that a child like Maisie is incredibly hard and that I need all the support I can get. In Chappaqua, we get a monthly session with a family trainer. I used to think maybe this was over the top. Now? Maybe not. Hearing all this from the doctor was so helpful. I often feel like the worst parent in the world. It's nice to hear that maybe I'm not.

So what does it all mean? Basically, Maisie is starting the right school here next week. There are only two schools that might be right for her at a higher level. She will need additional, outside therapy. She will never receive the kind of free therapy she receives at home. I think she'll be okay if we move here, but truth is, she'll probably be better off in the States. That's a huge thing to consider when we talk about moving here.

As for Hudson, he spent the much of the day with Cheryl while I took Maisie to the doctor and lunch. Then Hudson and I went to our Wednesday playgroup by ourselves while Cheryl watched Maisie. Turns out, we were the only ones who showed up today. Sarah hosted with her two kids, Norah and Jack. Norah is Hudson's age and Jack is crawling. Their apartment is yet another gorgeous place. She has views from the 16th floor of a lot of the houses where the REALLY rich people live. Wow - how I wish we were coming with an ex-pat package! Sigh.

Tonight I had a girls' night in Bukit Timah at a place called Onion. The food was fine - just fine. The company, however, was lovely - and boy - I really needed that glass of wine.