The Deciding Factor? Maybe

When you first meet Maisie, you'd think she is just like any other four-year-old. She's very social and generous - smart and beautiful (if I say so myself!) She was the happiest baby girl on the planet with a smile that came all the way from her toes. She still has days when she is the most fun child I've ever met. When she smiles or laughs, so laughs the world. She's bright and makes friends incredibly easily. 

So sometimes, I lull myself into thinking that she's okay now, that her sensory integration disorder diagnosis is a big mistake, that we're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Then there are days like today.

On the advice of a doctor I met here, I had Maisie evaluated at the Jurong Medical Center, an absolutely lovely facility. The hospital has a special program for childhood behavior and development. All told, we were there almost two hours and what an eye opening two hours they were!

The evaluator was a pediatrician who specializes in childhood development. Back home, dozens of therapists have evaluated Maisie and her doctor has thrown in her own two cents, but never have we seen a medical doctor who specializes in her disorder or other learning/behavior issues.

This doctor looked at Maisie's evaluations from the U.S., read over the zillion forms I'd completed and then did her own quick evaluation of Maisie. Wouldn't you know that Maisie was at her absolute worst today? Bad days now rarely look like tantrum-fests of the past. Now, her "off" days are days when she's manic, inattentive and a general wiggle worm. I actually prefer the tantrums.

In a way, her behavior today was perfect for the evaluation. The doctor got to see her at her worst and now she knows what help she really needs. She wouldn't answer the doctor, kept slipping off her chair and writhing around on the floor and even blew raspberries at the staff. She's been doing that a lot lately.

As I suspected, she's very close to testing out of speech therapy and probably wouldn't even qualify for speech help here (tho as she ages, she may have trouble with reading and writing because of her disorder). Her motor skills are all on track - except she still has trouble with cross-lateral coordination which is a very specific problem that can create issues with writing. Thank God she's not learning Chinese characters!

The real challenge for Maisie is self-regulation. She simply cannot sit still. She can't follow directions. She can't control herself when she's feeling out of sorts. The therapy she needs is very specific - and not something the schools here can really handle. In short, Maisie is now in one of the very best school districts for therapy in the States. That's why we moved there. She will never get the kind of services here that she does there. 

To accommodate Maisie, she would need to be in an international private school and receive specialized private therapy. I already had an appointment next week to see the therapy facility before the doctor even mentioned it. Yea me! The good news is that she won't need therapy forever. Everybody seems to agree on that.

Amazingly, the school she's starting Monday is exactly the right school for her at this age. WeeCare has a lot of experience with special needs kids this age. I'm thrilled to hear I actually found the right spot for her! Next Fall, she does not need to be in a special needs school, but rather a regular, mainstream school with special needs knowledge. Basically? She needs to be in the Singapore American School. it's that simple - or should be except entry into SAS is complicated and there's a three year wait. 

The doctor gave me all these tips about how and when to fill out the application. She told me what documents I need from the U.S. including a new evaluation from her therapists back home, letters from her teachers and a letter from the doctor herself. She's trying to get me an appointment with a specialist who works directly with the schools to help her get in earlier than later.

As everybody tells me, this is not my fault. This is not her fault. It's not Tom's fault. It's not about what I ate when I was pregnant or how old we were when she was born or what we feed her now. Simply, she is who she is. Be mad at the disorder, not the action. I've heard it all before. What I hadn't heard is that it's almost harder to parent a kid like her than parenting a child with severe disabilities. Because she's pretty and seems normal, nobody immediately sees Maisie's disorder. When she acts up, people assume I'm not doing a good job parenting. Judgment is harsh. Hearing that was freeing somehow.

The doctor wants me and Tom both to read a book - a book that I downloaded onto my iPad months ago - a book my cousin read to help her daughter YEARS ago. It's called, "Raising Your Spirited Child." I guess I need to finally read the darn thing.

The real surprise of the day? The doctor thinks I need to take an Australian-based class called Sign Posts, a class for parenting children with behavior problems. Most parents there have kids have severe disorders like autism. I'd never see myself fitting into a class like that, but the doctor thinks Maisie's issues are severe enough that I need support. She thought I'd learned a lot and praised the way I handle her, but said over and over that a child like Maisie is incredibly hard and that I need all the support I can get. In Chappaqua, we get a monthly session with a family trainer. I used to think maybe this was over the top. Now? Maybe not. Hearing all this from the doctor was so helpful. I often feel like the worst parent in the world. It's nice to hear that maybe I'm not.

So what does it all mean? Basically, Maisie is starting the right school here next week. There are only two schools that might be right for her at a higher level. She will need additional, outside therapy. She will never receive the kind of free therapy she receives at home. I think she'll be okay if we move here, but truth is, she'll probably be better off in the States. That's a huge thing to consider when we talk about moving here.

As for Hudson, he spent the much of the day with Cheryl while I took Maisie to the doctor and lunch. Then Hudson and I went to our Wednesday playgroup by ourselves while Cheryl watched Maisie. Turns out, we were the only ones who showed up today. Sarah hosted with her two kids, Norah and Jack. Norah is Hudson's age and Jack is crawling. Their apartment is yet another gorgeous place. She has views from the 16th floor of a lot of the houses where the REALLY rich people live. Wow - how I wish we were coming with an ex-pat package! Sigh.

Tonight I had a girls' night in Bukit Timah at a place called Onion. The food was fine - just fine. The company, however, was lovely - and boy - I really needed that glass of wine.

A Day in the Life

I had such high hopes for today. 

For the morning, I was shooting to take the kids to this cool cafe in Istana Park, a park that is very close to us that sits directly across from the Istana. Art Palates Cafe is a spot where people can paint and drink coffee or wine. The place offers classes, but is also a spot for folks who just want to hang and get their Monet on. I read that kids could paint while moms slurp. It sounded like nirvana. Uh well.... I schlepped all the way over in yet another day of simmering heat only to find out that Hudson is about 5 years too young for the program. Rah.

So the day became a day of grocery shopping and playdough - and eventually a very happy afternoon golf lesson. Hudson LOVES golf. He was absolutely thrilled to get the chance to whack the ball over and over.

When it comes to doing errands and playing chauffeur, I really miss just popping in the car, driving to the grocery store, loading up my cart with everything I need for a week and then driving home. Now, I can only load up just so much on the stroller and walk home. The stroller gets heavy and becomes as wide as a bus. It ain't fun.

i've talked about the grocery stores before, but there are a few things I haven't mentioned - like how many noodles there are! Forget Cup-A-Soups. Those are for beginners! There are dozens and dozens of kinds of instant noodles, fresh noodles, dried noodles. The same goes for bags of rice. It's mind-boggling, particularly since much of the writing on them is in some Asian language I can't read. There are also a lot of sushi choices in the grocery store. Yum!

There are also a lot of fruits I don't recognize both at the stores and at the various roadside markets.

In Thailand, we had rambutan, something we first had 11 years ago when Tom bought a bag of them at a floating market. They are WEIRD looking with these long, soft, hair-like things. Inside, there's a white, filmy fruit unlike anything we have in the US. It kind of looks like a peeled, clear, giant grape. It's yummier than you'd imagine.

Here in Singapore, you can buy lots of other weird fruits. Dragonfruit is my favorite - well, to look at anyway. The outside is pink and odd. The inside is white with black polka dots and a little bland. There are so many different kinds of fruits. Some I like, some I hate.

I tried a diet meal today - low calorie Laksa. It was the Asian version of a Weight Watchers meal except that WW meals are pretty tasty. This was hard to choke down. It gave me the willies even. So that settles it: when I get home I have to hit the diet HARD. I have no idea how to lose weight here. Each dish has so many mystery ingredients that I have no idea how to count calories.

Malls are interesting, too. Almost every single mall here has these bargain tables set up smack dab in the middle where you can buy all sorts of little items. I actually bought BPA-free snack boxes for the kids to use at school next week.

The second most-important Chinese holiday is celebrated this week, The Mooncake Festival also known as the Mid-Autumn festival.  It's basically a lunar harvest festival. To celebrate, the Chinese eat mooncakes - or anything else round. Already, little altars are springing up all over town. I'll write more about the festival in the coming days, but it's definitely nice to be in a place where so many holidays are celebrated. As I understand it, all the major religions here get two national holidays. I think Christians get Good Friday and Christmas. I think that's pretty cool. There's no better way to learn tolerance than to live side by side.

 

Phuket, Thailand Revisited

 

When I was four, my daddy asked me what kind of man I wanted to marry. Without batting an eye, I reportedly said, "Somebody who likes to travel." Even then, traveling was in my blood. 

I don't generally like going to the same place twice, not even restaurants. I kind of feel like with all the options out there, why revisit something you've already done. Right? I also want to do every, single, cool thing available in whatever spot we visit because - as I said - I don't want to retrace my footprints. This ticks Tom off to no end. He thinks my obsession with trying new things is ridiculous. Even so, he generally humors me. I do the research and the planning and he happily tags along. He's like a good cooler. I can take him anywhere - to slop pigs or to the opera. I obviously married the man of my dreams.

Of course, it goes both ways. Every other year, we go to our fancy timeshare in Cabo San Lucas in Mexico. I've gone to St. Maarten with him twice. This weekend? We took our second trip to Phuket, Thailand. Why not? Flights from Singapore to Phuket are cheap and short. 

The first trip was for our honeymoon 11 years ago. Since we both started new jobs the same month we got married, the trip to Thailand was actually to celebrate our one year anniversary, but we called it our honeymoon nevertheless.

That trip we did a whole range of activites. We stayed at the Amanpuri, the most expensive single night for which we've ever paid. We were rocked to sleep on a floating raft hotel in the River Kwai only to be awakened by elephants who'd gotten loose and were raiding the stash of pineapples. We spent a restless night on a palette in a "cabin" with a dirt floor, giant bugs and a birthday candle for a light. It was the perfect trip. We were mostly travelers and not tourists. While we did some touristy things, we mostly stayed off the beaten path.

As I feared, revisiting Phuket kind of spoiled some of those memories. This time we stayed on the other side of the island at The Westin. Tom had enough Starwood points to earn us two free nights and who am I to sneeze at free nights? While the hotel was an absolutely splendid, 5-star resort, I felt more like a tourist this go around. Of course, when you travel with kids, there isn't much of a choice. It's not like two toddlers can camp in yurt. It's just that I often feel like most resorts are a world of their own. Your time is spent with other tourists with very little of the true flavor of the country seeping through the secluded walls.

Maybe I need to find volunteer work here that visits the "real" country, whatever that means. I guess the part of me that wanted to be a foreign correspondent, dodging gunfire is the part who wants to get my hands dirty when I travel. I think the things that make me most happy when I travel are seeing wildlife, meeting native people and true handicraft finds. This was not that trip, but fabulous all the same.

This resort sits perched high above the ocean with beautiful views, all quite high end, definitely not a kids' resort. Yes, there is a great Kids Club and plenty of kid-friendly food, but I measure kid resorts by the pool. This place has a spectacular infinity pool a cliff and the smallest wading pool I have ever seen. No matter. The kids still had a ball paddling around with us and riding the tuk tuks (Thai, open-air vehicles) up and down the cliffs. 

Because of Tom's Starwood status, the kids ate for free so they tried all sorts of new things, even using chopsticks. I love that they are eating more and more things. Hudson is downright adventurous these days when it comes to food though there is plenty he doesn't like once he tries it.

The food at the resort was absolutely fabulous! Breakfast was a giant buffet with both breakfast and dinner-type food from Thailand, China, the US - you name it. I've never seen such variety in a spread! Yum!!

Phuket is really best known for its beaches and islands that dot the coast so we  took a 15-minute boat ride to this tiny island called Koh Khai Nok. This was pure and simple an excursion for the kids.

We bought these colorful, ball-shaped "puffs" to feed the fish. I'm not talking about one or two fish. No, when we dropped  a puff into the water, hundreds of fish swarmed.

The kids loved it, laughing and giggling up a storm - once they got over the initial freak-out factor. Hudson was very possessive of the fish food loving the whole process of digging a ball out of the bag and dropping it into the water.

Tom tried to catch a fish with his bare hands and got a barb in his hand. His finger swelled up for a few hours and the guide had to put some kind of medicine on it. Obviously, he's not the first to try. Men!

Almost as popular as feeding the fish was taking a picture of our kids. 95% of the tourists that PACKED the waters and sliver of sand not covered up with beach chairs were Asian.

They loved our kids! Usually Hudson with his blond, curly locks is the star, but he was cranky and wanted nothing to do with the paparazzi. Maisie, on the other hand, ate it up, posing with tourist after tourist, voguing up a storm. One man even wanted a picture of himself with Tom and then had Tom take a picture of him holding Maisie. I keep wondering if perhaps some of those folks have better pictures of our family vacation than I do. My kids hardly ever smile for our camera!

On Sunday, we put the kids in the Kids Club (to their delight!) and took a second boat trip. This time Tom and I headed out for some couple time to Koh Coral to snorkel - without my camera. Darn! Let's just say it wasn't Koh Phi Phi, the fabled island off Phuket. I loved Phi Phi all those years ago with turquoise waters and long boats moored off the beach. Tiny huts with TV antennas dotted the shore at the time. I'm sure it was all washed away by the tsunami. Phi Phi was stunning back then, the true definition of idyllic. Now I fear it's too commercial. Somehow, I didn't want to know for sure. Plus, the trip to Phi Phi was a full day and we didn't want to leave the kids that long.

Coral Island? It was beautiful probably 20 years ago before tourism hit it, but now? Well, sadly, it sucked. There were very few fish to see, probably scared off by the constant roar of the speed boats pulling banana boats and para sailers. The coral on Coral Island was mostly dead though I did see some really cool purple critters - perhaps even a kind of coral - that made me think of a Venus Flytrap, opening and closing it's "jaws." Like Khai, Coral had local residents living in squalor only steps away from the beach. Poverty looks the same in most countries. I found it hard to enjoy my splurge while folks 30 feet behind me were obviously struggling for survival.

We did venture into the town of Phuket twice. Unlike my memories of cool restaurants, bars and ladyboys in nearby Patong, Phuket is an ugly city with not much redeeming value. We found a few cool trinkets in some bad shops across from McDonalds.

We had dinner  in Phuket without the kids with a nice couple we met at the Kids Club. Heather is an Aussie, James a Brit. Their son William is Hudson's age. We plan to get them together back in Singapore, where they also just moved. We ate at a place called Raya. The food was great (isn't all Thai food?), but the ambience was terrible - as in none at all. Still, it was the least touristy thing we did. In retrospect, I found myself wishing we had ventured back to Patong.

Truth is, our family had a lovely time, but it just didn't compare to our adventure there more than a decade ago. Maybe - dare I say it - we should go back yet one more time and stay at a super, child-friendly place like the Marriott and revisit the rebuilt Patong area to see how things there have changed since the tsunami. Hey, if we move to Singapore for good, that's a highly probable scenario. Flights are really inexpensive and toddlers can easily tolerate the 1.5 hour hop. I wonder if our kids have any idea how good they have it. Wow.

Truth is, we all have it pretty good. One of the nicest things about coming home from our vacation? Cheryl had packed the frig with food and made lunch. Now? She's working on dinner while she starts yet another load of vacation laundry. 

Synchronicity

Every group has an Alpha. Turns out, here in Singapore, the Alpha American is a gal named Karla. It's not so much like that she's bossy. Nope, she just a take-charge woman who seems to know absolutely everybody I meet. Perhaps we just gravitate to the same sorts of things. Afterall, she's a New Yorker - and I quite like her! That's her in the white to with her little man.

Karla organized the playdate today and had us all take a bumboat ride on the Singapore River. The bumboats have been around since Singapore's early days and used to haul traders and their wares. Now? They just ferry tourists up and down the river much to Hudson's delight.

 

The kids were all pretty good for a bunch of two-year-olds - at least at the beginning. Then they started to get restless. Sadly, the noise from the kids meant I didn't hear anything about the sights - things like the Merlion. Darn! I did, however, get quite an eyeful, able to see all the landmarks from the water.

 

Afterwards, a bunch of us went to lunch. Maisie is so good about hanging out with her little brother's friends. She's been desperate to make friends with kids her own age. The problem? Most 4-year-olds are in school - or already have lots of friends.  They don't have playdate groups for kids her age.

Finally, I met somebody who has a four-year-old girl! Carrie also just moved here with her daughter Hannah and two older kids. We took the kids to Polliwogs and they had a blast - eventually. Maisie has been begging for a friend and then she wasn't very nice to Hannah when she first got there. Go figure.

Tonight, I played Bunco. I always made fun of my friend Denise for playing Bunco in Texas. Then I played in Bronxville. I was hooked. Last year? I organized the Junior League's big Bunco fundraiser! 

So when there was an opening in the AWA's regular Bunco game, I was the first to volunteer. A gal named Nilam (the pregnant gal seated) hosted Bunco at her very nice apartment not far from Orchard. Her husband is quite the photographer and on their wall, they have photos he's taken from all over the world. One photo caught my eye - a landscape of Manhattan. The view looked suspiciously familiar. Turns out, she used to live in the same complex in NJ where Tom and I used to live when we first got married - at the same time! I never knew her back then. Who would have thought that all these years later, I'd be sitting in her apartment on the other side of the globe. 

By the way, I won! Yup - I walked away with a whole 40 bucks - which is like US$32. Watch out, world! Here I come.

Tomorrow we're flying to Phuket, Thailand! Wahooo!!!! We went there on our honeymoon, but that was pre tsunami.

Best news of all? My uncle has been moved to a rehab hospital!! YEA!!!!!! Now THAT'S worth celebrating!

Have a great holiday weekend!

Now we're talking!

Sorry for the delay in posting. Either my computer or this site is acting up! VERY annoying! It's taken me HOURS to get this loaded! WAH!!

I love real estate. I love looking at it. I love renovating it. I love decorating it. So when I heard that the AWA was putting together a presentation about how to incorporate your "finds"from various travels into your home decor, I signed up immediately. Afterwards, I felt like screaming, "Nirvana!" Honestly, it'd be such fun to stay here just to decorate a house with all the cool stuff here!

The event was held at a store called Originals in an area known as Bukit Timah. An interior decorator named Caroline from Arete Culture first gave a lecture using before and after pictures to demonstrate her points. Then, she used some of the furniture in the store remaking the bed three different ways, styling a couch and dining table totally different three times over. A lot of the basics I already knew, but seeing how she incorporated treasures from her clients' travels was so eye-opening. Caroline is pretty amazing because she primarily uses stuff you already have and just rearranges it and adds to it. I just want to figure out where we're going to live so I can start using all her tips!

The store had all these great and unique things from all over Asia, many of them I could easily picture in my own house. I left a bit frustrated. If we were living here, I'd have taken a few pieces home with me! If we're going home for good, I might send a piece back. Once again, limbo sucks. Oh the dilemma! 

Truth is, I hate shopping for clothes because - let's face it - my body isn't what it used to be before two babies and two months in Asia. I get downright depressed when I try on clothes now. Shopping for the kids and my home have become my favorite past times. The kids have everything they need, plus this is a darn expensive city. So I'm left with shopping for my house. Darn! :-)

Actually, the morning did get my wheels turning faster than ever. If we do move here for good, I have to figure out what to leave behind and what to bring. One gal I met this morning told me it's important to bring your things and to have enough space for them because then you feel like you're home and not living in a hotel for years. That makes sense.

What I really liked about the event is that it was filled with women who also like to travel and pick up trinkets - women who are into decorating with odd things that have meaning. In general, the people I meet her are far more informed about the world than people back home. We can talk about things going on back home or political upheaval in Jakarta. It's really nice to meet so many broad-minded folks interested in a wealth of topics. One woman today had lived in 7 different countries on expat assignments!

The afternoon was spent at Heather's as she was hosting the playdate. Connie and Joy were there as well as another woman named Sarah. She happens to know the woman who rents the apartment where we're staying. It's a small world, this expat community! They played on the outdoor, shaded playground. Both of them came home with sopping wet hair. Ick!

Tonight, Tom and I took advantage of having Cheryl around and had a date night! We went to Chijmes, a 130-year-old building that once housed a Catholic convent school. It's a very cool building. I had high hopes for eating outside, but it was jsut too darn hot. Surprise! Tom was wearing long sleeves (what's wrong with that boy?!) so he was sweating like a guilty man on the witness stand.

 

We opted to eat at a Korean BBQ. Have you ever done that? The waitress cooks your food for you on a firepit at your table. Our choice was basically meat or more meat. We chose two beefs and it came with all these weird vegetables. Tom and I both have a pretty wide palette, but neither of us was really up for the vegetables. Ick. But hey - we tried and that's the point, right?

 

Then it finally happened.

We went to famous Long Bar at Raffles Hotel and I had my first official Singapore Sling. I've had one in the States and one at the Zoo, but the REAL Singapore Sling was first concocted at the Raffles Hotel. Now I feel - oh I don't know - initiated?